I just don't know

For starters - this format is nasty! I must take the time to learn about designing my own blog. Right now though I have the attention span of a gnat!

We saw you the other day. It was so awkward, another person there listening to our family time to make sure we don't discuss your situation. You were wise enough to find a game to occupy our time with you. I broke down when we left I just can't bear it. I don't know why but I am so numb.

I talked to Sandy the other day...she told Daddy she wanted you number. So I called her for him - he was busy bailing out the basement again during the latest rainstorm. She told me she got her ring back - that's good for her anyways. I offered your telephone numbers to where you are and she didn't want them afterall. She didn't want to speak to you - sorry that may hurt but I am so done sugar coating her actions and comments. I have to be true to myself and now that you are an "adult" you get to hear the honest version, not the Kelli/Mommy protecting you version. I hate that too. All your life I have surgarcoated so much to protect your feelings. Anyways she asked for your mailing address so you can expect to get something from her.

It's funny you say you are so tired all the time. It must be your new meds, being a little depressed I am sure and pure fear of your future. I know I would just want to curl up in a ball. Dad and I aren't sleeping much anymore. We went to bed at 8:30 the other day but woke up at 1:00 am and were ready to face the new day. Maybe it was in anticipation of seeing you where you are...I don't know. Generally we get about 4 or 5 hours of sleep and that's about it. I worry so much about Daddy and his health, he's under so much stress right now. I take care of him the best I can.

Still extremely sad - hate that our doors are locked all the time. Hate that I can't leave the windows open during the day to get some fresh air in the house when I am at work for the kitties. They miss you too. They know something is wrong. Probably because I tore your room apart when we made our discovery two weeks ago and I am just now able to start putting it back together. If only our hearts, trust and faith in you were so easily repaired.