sometimes it just doesn't matter

I don't know about you, but sometimes I feel like I just don't rate.  Maybe it's what we have been going through with our daughter over the last 10 months.  Maybe it's always been there.  I just feel so inadequate. I am nothing special and maybe I am just over reacting to my husband's pissy mood - to which he will not discuss with me.

It's a feeling that has always been there but sometimes it seems to dominate everything.  Is this what paranoia feels like?  I don't know, too textbooky.  The wife of our best friend couple called today - I am going to be an "associate" grandmother!  Her son and his wife are expecting a baby in August.  I think this is what set it off...

What iced the cake is that tomorrow is my husband's birthday; ok so he has to work until 8:30 and I am planning on meeting him at our local hangout - I've also invited his best friend (see above) and want them to tell him the good news in person.  But my brother in law just called to see if he, my husband, wanted to get together on Sunday for his birthday.  I don't know, maybe it's just not how my family does things which in itself if pretty lame - we've been together for 18 years and I don't know what to do with his family.   Both of his parents are not aging well so I don't want to ask anything of them, it would be cool if they could remember his birthday. 

Pardon me tonight, I think its Vitamin D deprivation.  It snowed again today and I worked from home.  I just feel like crap.

Made a hat; gauge is too tight -

 It fits, but it's not slouchy...whatever, I guess this is just how things are going to roll.

Have a good night